


Bad B.I.T.C.H.

by Ehollis303 (TalonWillow)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Female Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22902937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalonWillow/pseuds/Ehollis303
Summary: In the pub while having after work drinks Slytherins Princess Pansy Parkinson will teach Gryffindors Princess how to be a go getter. Or is it the other way around.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	Bad B.I.T.C.H.

**Author's Note:**

> My second fic and I am really excited about it! A huge thank you to the ridiculously amazing ThorneAndRose for being a beta on this story. I hope you enjoy !

Pansy Parkinson and Hermione Granger's friendship had started last fall when they both took internships at the ministry. Hermione at the Department of Mysteries and Pansy at the Department of Magical Law. Each morning they would fight their way through the throngs of people outside of Madam Puddifoot's umbrella cart for the tea and coffee orders for their higher-ups, both of them thoroughly over that particular joy of their internships. Their morning battles over mochas and earl greys were nothing for a pair of veterans like them, and they formed an unlikely bond. The long overtime hours over the last 4 and half months had them meeting up each Friday at the Leaky Cauldron for shots of Firewhiskey for Pansy and a glass of Rose' for Hermione. 

Last Friday, Hermione had been running late due to her supervisor piling on a load of last-minute work. Pansy had bided her time at the Leaky by catching up with her old Slytherin friends Adrian Pucey, Marcus Flint, the attractive Blaise Zabini, and her ex-friend with benefits Draco Malfoy. They were there for after-work drinks themselves as they all worked at Malfoy industries and had all formed a similar habit to Pansy and Hermione. Pansy kept looking towards the door, wondering when her waylaid friend would be showing up. Honestly, they really worked her too hard even for a Gryffindor swot.

"Waiting on a hot date, Pans?" Draco remarked flippantly, jokingly annoyed that her attention was not on him at that moment.

"Hardly, well, unless you consider Granger a hot date?" Pansy replied back while catching Draco's face go strangely still out of the corner of her eye at the mention of Granger.

"Granger, huh? I wouldn't consider the swotty Gryffindor princess too hot of a date; that's for sure. Probably tell you the magical effectiveness of breeding thestrals while you're trying to get in her knickers," laughed Marcus Flint. 

Pansy glared at the table of men roaring with laughter and trading barbs at her new friend. Well, all of them except for Draco. She noticed him laughing, but his smile did not carry to his eyes, his eyes held something else, guilt over the laughter he was sharing with his friends.

"Piss off you lot," Pansy remarked, grabbing her purse to leave…

"She can't even dress sexy, the only heels she wears are "goody-two-shoes," Blaise guffawed loudly as Pansy turned to glare at the fool nearly doubled over in laughter. Draco turned his head to her as his mates continued their riotous laughing and mouthed the words 'sorry' to Pansy. 

Pansy made her way to the bar and ordered up her shot of Ogden's Finest and Hermione's own Rose' as she would hopefully be here soon and in desperate need of a drink. And hopefully, the idiots she called friends would have found something else to laugh about before Hermione arrived. It was interesting to see that Draco's little crush on the Gryffindor princess hadn't gone away. She had always known that he had held a little flame for Hermione. With his family's prejudices and the ill favor from his house, he could never act on it. Still, it was because of Hermione, Potter, and even a little bit of help from the Hot Weasley guy that those prejudices were able to be set aside. Obviously not forgotten, but definitely on the road to forgiveness. 

Her friendship with Hermione was more than proof of that. Just two short years ago, she wouldn't have been caught dead talking to a Gryffindor, let alone looking forward to spending time with one. Instead of the Slytherin assholes sitting in the back of the pub. Pansy was pulled from her thoughts as the full shot glass she had been holding was taken from her hand. She looked over to see the contents of it being emptied down the throat of the Gryffindor princess herself. Damn, Pansy thought, firewhiskey wasn't something even she could shoot like that and not gag on, she hoped the slyther-assholes had seen that! 

"I can not believe he expects me to just bend over and take it…" Hermione said, setting the shot glass down on the bar, motioning to a flabbergasted Tom to top it off and to fill another for Pansy.

"He expects me to do all his research, his paperwork, and all his press releases. But he takes all the credit for it, and when he tells the wrong information and gets reprimanded, he blames it all on me! And on top of it all, he places obscenely unrealistic deadlines on everything he has me do!" Hermione took her seat next to Pansy at the bar in the noisy pub and just let her consciousness stream out with little regard to the dark-haired witches' shock.

"Which I would gladly bend over and take it if he were at least a good looking, semi-attractive man whom I was remotely attracted too. I have no problems with casual sex, I mean I've never had casual sex. Well, I've had sex that was casual, raw, and intense. but not casual sex with a stranger... or rather someone I was not in a committed, loving, consensual relationship with." 

Hermione stopped in her tracks and looked at the woman whom she had come to be so close to and put her hand up to her mouth, realizing she had let the alcohol she had just consumed speak for her.

"I'm sorry. Pansy...Hello, how are you? You must tell me how your week was, did you ever figure out where those records had been transferred too?" Hermione said, almost as if she were a different person, from that frantic raw person, she saw not ten seconds before. Pansy saw then what everyone else saw, she saw that goody two shoes Gryffindor princess, the sweetheart. 

"Hold on, rewind…' Mione, let's go back to this casual sex thing!" Pansy replied, pushing the shot glass to Hermione as she grabbed her own and shot it again, signaling to Tom for another. 

Hermione blushed scarlet red. "What, no, I was just… I'm sorry… I was just…. Oh, I was just so frustrated that my boss screwed me over, and I'm just supposed to take it because I'm an intern." 

Hermione started slowly sipping at her rose now. 

"I just wish I knew how to deal with being this frustrated. At school, I was always researching ways to save Harry's life, so I never had time to be frustrated. But now, I don't even have time to date because my boss has me busy doing HIS job. Every now and then, a girl needs an…" Hermione got red again as she danced around, saying the next part.

"Orgasm?" Pansy smirked out. 

It seemed to Hermione at that moment that the entire pub chose to go silent; in all reality, it was just as noisy if not more so than before. There was a table in the back laughing uproariously, and to her, it seemed they were laughing at what Pansy had said. She put her hand over Pansy's mouth, trying to stop her friend from saying anything else that would embarrass her further. 

Pansy licked her hand, and Hermione jerked her hand back as if she had been bitten. 

"Pans, that's gross, your tongue has more germs on it than… It doesn't matter; anyone could've heard you!" Hermione hissed, trying to keep her voice as low as possible and still have Pansy be able to hear her. 

"Well, let's find someone to give you an org…" Pansy once again found herself with Hermione's small hand planted firmly over her mouth. 

Hermione eyed her with an intensity that said "Don't _ lick me," _ just as Pansy's eyes said "I'll _ say what I want to say, and I'm gonna lick your hand if I feel like it too!  _ As they played this silent staring contest, she saw a strong silhouette of a man walking past them. Hermione's eyes left Pansy's to meet those of the one and only Draco Malfoy as he walked past on his way to the Men's. He stared intently at her and then of all things...he winked. At that moment, Hermione realized she had done something she hated doing, she had lost a game. By letting her eyes wander from Pansy's, she had forfeited. The second Pansy's wet, wiggling tongue touched her palm, she tore her hand from Pansy's mouth as the word "Ooorrrggaaasssm" tore out of Pansy's. 

The world stopped. The muggle clock on the wall stopped. The music from the wizarding wireless radio stopped. Draco Malfoy, with his hand on the door of the men's room, stopped. Hermione's heart stopped. The only thing that didn't stop was the laughter from the table in the back of the pub. 

XOXOXOXOXO

Thirty minutes and three shots later, Hermione sat with her head on her forearm, listening to Pansy tell her the benefits of having a friend with benefits. How she was going to be cornering her fine ass friend Weasley and seeing if he wanted a little no-strings-attached, but maybe some ropes fun later.

"It's not that easy, Pansy. Oh sure, you could do it; you could walk up to someone you hadn't seen since your Hogwarts days say to them. 'Hi, I'm Pansy wants to have copious amounts of sex whenever I want to and not have to worry about courting me or any consequences?' " Hermione said in a mockingly confident manner.

"I don't sound like that." Pansy countered irritatingly. "But yes, it is that easy, here let's try. Just pretend like I'm someone you're interested in and try to woo me ." 

"Um, ok…" Hermione cleared her throat before starting timidly, "So Pansy, how have you been since Hogwarts? I heard you got an internship at the ministry, maybe we could meet up sometime at Madam Puddifoots for tea and catch up. She has several umbrella carts all throughout Diagon Alley. Did you know her business model of umbrella carts is the future in magical economy drink enterprise, just think…." 

Hermione stopped as Pansy put her hand up and said: "First off, you're not my type, I've got my eye on a certain redhead…" 

"Pansy…" Hermione tried to interject, looking at her questioning her like  _ you told me to hit on you.  _

_ " _ Second, you won't be getting any or…"

"Don't say it, Pansy…" Hermione started.

"Orders from Madam Puddifoots flirting like that." Pansy quickly came back with as if she weren't going to say the other word that Hermione really needed right now. "You've got to be aggressive, Hermione, you've got to know what you want and go after it. Take charge and be the queen, instead of the swotty princess we all know." 

As Pansy thought of royalty, she remembered a particular royal pain in her arse and the look on his face when a certain Gryffindor princess was brought up. She then remembered, said princesses face. And the surprisingly easy win in their little game of 'tongue and palm' she was able to claim all thanks to his royal pain in arse walking by. Just like that, a Lumos went off over Pansy's head.

"Hermione, you trust me, don't you ?" Pansy said to her friend as she turned to her and put her hand on top of her head.

"You know, against all logic. Yes, I guess I do. Merlin help me, but I do. "Hermione admitted. Pansy reached over and removed the tight band that held her perfectly coiffed bun, letting loose her untidy yet in their own way perfectly tousled curls that framed her flushed face just right.

Pansy knew what her friend needed, and she knew who could give it to her, who wanted nothing more than to give it to her. But how to get Hermione over there and confronting Draco without his friends laughing at her like earlier. 

"Go over and ask Draco Malfoy if he wants to fuck."

Pansy said, looking Hermione straight in the eyes. There the bait had been set. She knew this woman had confidence, tenacity, and ambition. She just needed help in steering it in a sexual non-work related way, and well, what are Slytherin friends for? 

"Cat got your tongue Granger" Pansy drawled as she threw back her firewhiskey.

"Excuse me, it sounded like you just said to ask if he wanted to...um…" Hermione could not finish the sentence, that word, and the person that that word was about just were not meant to co-exist.

"Just ask Draco if he wants to fuck." Pansy carefully enunciated each word to the red-faced friend sitting next to her at the bar. 

"That is unless…" Pansy paused. 

"Unless what Pansy spit it out, "Hermione bit out. 

Pansy smirked, she was sure she had her curly-haired friend on the hook. 

"Unless you're not up for the task?" Pansy challenged. 

Hermione was on her feet with her wand in her hand without a response, startling Pansy in the process. 

"Hermione don't leave" Pansy jumped up and reached for her friend's arm to stop her from storming off. Ready to Merlin forbid, apologize should it actually come to that. She noticed Hermione using her wand to lower the neckline of her shirt and shorten the hemline of her knee-length, now barely thigh-length pencil skirt.

"Pansy, of course, I have to leave. I have a Malfoy I need to talk to." Hermione said, motioning to Tom. "I need the key for room seven, Tom!" He nodded and retrieved the key for her. She pocketed it and looked over her shoulder at a still shocked Pansy. 

"What? If you challenge a Gryffindor, its gonna get done; besides, that's a dragon I've been dying to tickle for quite some time." 

Hermione walked with a swagger Pansy didn't know she was capable of, heading off towards the table of rowdy Slytherins in the back. Pansy stood stuck in her spot, unable to move, still shocked at Hermione's actions. When she snapped out of her shock, she rushed through the crowd that had magically gotten thicker, only to find that when she got to the table, they were all silent! 

_ Oh no  _ Pansy thought to herself  _ Hermione has finally lost it, she has somehow stunned this poor lot of men.  _ She looked at Adrien, Marcus, Blaise, and the empty seat where Draco had been sitting. Then the direction they were all looking to see Hermione leading a grinning Draco by his green silk tie up the back stairwell towards the room she had rented from Tom. 

"What…" uttered Marcus. 

Followed by Blaises' "Just…".

"Happened," finished Adrien, obviously not stunned. Thank Merlin! Being an intern in magical Law, it would have been bad had she turned a blind eye on an illegal use of a stunner. 

Pansy was happy for her friend, the Gryffindor princess had definitely proved some snakes wrong tonight, admittingly herself too. With any luck, she'll get to tickle and maybe even ride that dragon. As for herself, she had her own redhead lion she wanted to get to know. As she was sauntering past the table, she pushed Blaises half open-jaw up from where it was hanging open still from Granger brazen display of womanhood and stated. 

"Ain't you ever seen a princess be a bad bitch?"


End file.
